


An Exchange of Secrects

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Where the Weird Things Are [3]
Category: Grimm (TV), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Balrog the Bilgesnipe, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, GUESS WHAT GUYS NICK BURKHARDT/DARCY LEWIS CAME UP IN THE TAGS WHEN I TYPED IT IN, Grimmshock, I HAVE ARRIVE, I was reading this over and apparently everyone in it is Evil, I'm not doing it deliberately it just sort of happens, I've been accused of being coffee-obsessed and it's getting harder to defend myself, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, back by popular (that is my) demand, coffee as an ongoing motif, it just be like that sometimes, what's a little inter-dimensional portal between friends amirite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26951611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: Darcy and Nick finally have that Talk...
Relationships: Clint Barton & Darcy Lewis, Darcy Lewis & Balrog the Bilgesnipe, Nick Burkhardt/Darcy Lewis
Series: Where the Weird Things Are [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878616
Comments: 27
Kudos: 56





	An Exchange of Secrects

**Author's Note:**

> As is Hobbit Tradition, Happy Birthday from me to you!

Nick wasn't sure why, but he'd somehow expected dinner to be more awkward than coffee at Trubel Brewing. Maybe it was the different venue—dinner at his house, and he was desperately trying to silence the part of his brain that was running in frantic circles screaming DATE! DATE! DATE!—the promised confessions, the way Hank and Wu had been so quick to introduce themselves to Darcy that morning when they picked up Pete and then spent the rest of the day grinning evilly at him. Mostly, he expected, it was the sudden idea that there really could be more between them, after two weeks of ruthlessly squashing those hopes.

One of those hopes took another loop around his brain, whooping DATE! as it zoomed past.

When it actually came to it, though, dinner with Darcy was as easy as coffee always was. They were just chatting about Grimms and Wesen rather than books and local tourist spots.

Darcy took a last bite of pasta and leaned back with a contented sigh. ‘So let me get this straight. You can see stuff most other people can't—all those drawings in your sketchbook are of things you've actually seen.'

‘That's right.'

‘And you can see these things not because you're in desperate need of psychiatric help, but because you're descended from a long line of what amounts to cops for fairytale shenanigans.'

‘That's… Not how I would have described it, but it's a pretty good summary, yeah.'

‘Huh. That's pretty cool. So, you're like, a professional monster hunter.'

‘I'm not exactly getting paid for this, it's more of a calling. Hence the day job.' It would, he reflected, be really nice if he _did_ get paid for the Grimm stuff. It would make a lot of things so much easier.

‘No, really! You're basically Van Helsing!'

‘Pretty sure I know a lot of people who would take offense at that comparison.' Though he would pay her to say that in front of Monroe. That would be hilarious.

‘And the guy at Trubel's this morning was one of these…'

‘Wesen, yes. Pete's a Skalengeck.'

‘Well doesn't that trip along softly on the tongue. Not unlike Gary, Indiana.'

‘Believe it or not, that's actually one of the easier ones to pronounce.'

‘Oh yeah?' She grinned, eyes bright with challenge. ‘Hit me.'

‘Well, there's Fuchsbau, Blutbad, Dämonfeuer, Nuckaleve, Bauerschwein…'

‘Now you just sound like the Swedish Chef.'

‘Eisbiber, Fuchsteufelwild, Hundjäger, Jägerbar—'

‘Okay, okay, I get the point!' She shook her head, laughing. ‘How do you keep them all straight?'

‘My aunt's books help. And I have a lot of Wesen friends who fill me in on the rest.'

Darcy's smirk and raised eyebrows were his only warning before she started singing, _‘I get by with a little help from my friends. I get high with a little help from my friends. Gonna try with a little help from my, just a little help from my friends!'_ She ended with a flourish of jazz hands.

He laughed. ‘I wouldn't have taken you for a Beatles fan.'

‘Scuz you, that musical interlude was brought to you by the Muppet Show, thank you very much.'

‘Oh, of course, my apologies.' After they cleared the table, he took the coffeepot and the tiramisu Trubel had foisted on him that morning— _Trust me, Nick, confessions go better with chocolate—_ and led the way to the living room. ‘What about you? I believe this was to be a mutual exchange?'

‘You're right, you're right. Um.' She paused, taking a sip from her mug. ‘How much do you know about what's been going on in New York these last few years? Specifically when it comes to the Avengers?'

That… Wasn't where he thought she would start, but he guessed it made sense. From what he heard there were a lot of crazy things going down there, and the Avengers were in the middle of all of it. Now that he thought of it, New York was just as weird as Portland, and about twice as obnoxious about it. ‘Just what everybody else does. There was an actual alien invasion and a bunch of superheroes got together to stop it, and now they're sort of a special circumstances first response team.'

She pointed at him with her fork. ‘That's a really good way of putting it. So, you know how every first responders team needs support staff?' She took a beat, a grin tugging at her lips. ‘I'm part of that support staff.'

‘No way!'

‘Yup.'

‘You work with the Avengers?'

‘'Fraid so.'

‘But I thought you said you were a lab manager.'

‘I am. Jane's lab just happens to be in Avengers Tower. Along with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. Among others.'

‘Please don't take this the wrong way, but how on earth did that happen?'

‘Well, it all started when I signed on with Jane as an intern for a semester. No one else wanted the position, and I needed the credits to graduate. Just six lousey science credits, and I would have my beautiful poly-sci degree. But then Jane hit a guy with the van, and he started yelling and freaked me out, so naturally I tased him—'

‘Oh, naturally.'

‘—and then he broke out of the hospital and Jane hit him _again,_ and…'

* * *

‘Wow.'

‘My thoughts exactly.'

‘And I thought _my_ life was strange.'

‘My thoughts _exactly!'_

‘No wonder you handled Pete so well.'

‘No wonder you laughed at me for coming to Portland for peace and quiet!’

‘So you actually know all the Avengers.' Nick leaned forward, looking like an eight-year-old meeting, well, the Avengers.

‘I did in fact catch 'em all, yep.'

‘Captain America.'

‘Is my running partner. And a horrible little troll, no matter how tall he is.'

‘Tony Stark.'

‘My prank war nemesis. I'm also one of two people who have the override codes to his lab. Sometimes he has to be locked out in order to get him to sleep.'

‘The Black Widow.'

‘Taught me self-defense. She's also been known to aid me in the prank war.'

‘Hawkeye?'

‘Currently pet sitting my bilgesnipe.'

‘Which you got from Asgard.'

‘That's right,' she pointed to herself with her thumbs, ‘I've been to another planet. Hey, would you like to meet him?'

‘Your bilgesnipe? Uh, sure?'

‘Groovy! Just gimme a sec.' She pulled out the sling ring she'd…liberated from the Sanctum after Stephen nixed her portal request (strictly for emergencies, as she would tell him if and when he eventually discovered it missing) and stood up.

‘Uh, Darcy, what are you doing?'

‘It's okay, I stole this from a timelord.' She held out the hand with the ring and began circling the other.

‘That's not as reassuring as you seem to think it is.'

‘Sush! I'm concentrating.' Finally the portal opened in a shower of sparks—much to her relief since her skill with the ring was shaky at best—and they were looking into Clint's darkened living room. Two golden lights winked into existence, and, after a luxurious stretch, Balrog hopped off the couch and trotted into Nick's living room.

It was probably a testament to what he dealt with on a daily basis that he didn't completely freak on suddenly playing host to a scaly, antlered beastie the size of a pony. The most he did was make an aborted twitch to his hip, where she suspected his gun usually resided. ‘Oookay,' he said, voice admirably steady. ‘That's a bilgesnipe.' His eyes were wide and fascinated, a grin tugging at his lips. Darcy wondered if he always looked like this when faced with new creatures.

Balrog, of course, knew exactly what kind of effect he had of people. He grinned widely, showing off what most felt were an unnecessary amount of teeth. Darcy reached out and flicked his ear. ‘Be nice, he's liable to take your head off if you provoke him.'

‘I only decapitate people who try to eat me,' Nick said, and she had the sneaking suspicion he was only half joking. ‘It's nice to meet you, Balrog,' he added, holding out a hand to sniff and effectively jolting her out of the spiral of wondering a) how many people had tried to eat him before (and possibly after) they'd met and b) how many people he'd actually decapitated in his career as a modern Van Helsing. Probably should save those questions for the second date.

If Nick was worried he wouldn't get his hand back, he didn't show it. Darcy was impressed.

Balrog made a show of delicately sniffing Nick's fist. He didn't really need to smell someone to know if he'd like them or not, but allowing new people to treat him like an oversized, scaly dog with antlers was the easiest way to put them at ease. Nick didn't know it yet, but the mere fact that Balrog deigned to smell his hand meant that he'd passed muster as far as the bilgesnipe was concerned.

Balrog cut his eyes between Darcy and Nick. She caught the edge of his mildly evil glee right before he opened his mouth wide and licked Nick's hand with his raspy, slobbery tongue. Then, as Nick let out a started yelp, he sat on his haunches and curled his spiked tail neatly around his feet, shooting Darcy a smirk and a wave of approval.

She rolled her eyes. _Oh, well, if_ you _approve._ Balrog snorted and she grinned, bumping his shoulder with her hip. ‘I can't take you anywhere,' she added aloud, but her voice was fond. Balrog, not at all chastened, just blinked innocently at her.

‘What, uh, what just happened?'

Darcy looked up at Nick's question, just in time to catch him attempting to wipe his hand off on his jeans. She grinned. ‘Congratulations, Balrog likes you!'

He snorted. ‘Yeah, I got that,' he said, holding up his bilgesnipe-kissed hand. ‘But what just happened _here?'_ he added, waving between her and Balrog. ‘Were you talking telepathically? Is telepathy a thing?'

‘Well, _yeah_ telepathy's a thing. Haven't you ever heard of the X-Men?''

He shrugged. ‘I always thought they were an urban legend.’

She laughed. ‘Nick, my beautiful Van Helsing, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't _you_ an urban legend?'

‘Touché.' He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. ‘But don't think I didn't notice you never answered my other question.'

‘Oooo, going all detective on me, detective? But the answer is yes. Yes, we were talking telepathically.'

‘That's so cool! Does that mean you can read my thoughts? Can you tell what I'm thinking?'

‘Let me see…' She leaned close, staring deeply into his eyes. ‘You're thinking, “I'm so glad she can't tell what I'm thinking right now."'

He laughed. ‘Nice try, but I've seen _The Mentalist.'_

‘Can't pull anything over on you, can I?'

‘Nope.' He grinned, drawing her attention to his lips before she met his gaze again. ‘But I bet I can tell what you're thinking right now.'

‘Oh really?' She raised her chin. ‘Is telepathy one of your Grimm superpowers?'

‘Nah.' Now he leaned closer, so that there was barely an inch between them. ‘I'm just really good at my day job.'

It was at that point that Clint shambled into his living room, clutching a coffeepot and dressed in the t-shirt Darcy had given him for Christmas last year _(They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard!_ it informed the curious in large letters) and ratty pajama pants in a radioactive purple plaid (Nat's gift from the same year. She'd found them on the same shopping trip that Darcy had bought the shirt, and spent the rest of the day snickering evilly to herself). He passed the portal, presumably on his way to his bedroom, before freezing and twisting his head around to peer blearily at them through the circle of sparks.

Darcy touched two fingers to her forehead in a cheeky salute. ‘’Sup, Clint!'

Clint looked from her to the blank TV and back. ‘I'm going to assume Balrog and I didn't fall asleep playing Portal again.'

‘You'd be correct, yes.'

He grunted, taking a swig from the pot before using it to gesture to the portal. ‘Strange know you have that?'

‘Nope. And you can't tell him! Not unless you want me to tell Tony who keeps filling his Coke cans with Dr. Pepper.'

He held up his hands. ‘I wasn't going to nark! You know I always approve of petty theft between friends.' Nodding to Nick, he added, ‘Is that the boyfriend?'

Darcy suddenly realized that she and Nick were still standing quite close together and took a large step sideways. ‘Boyfriend? Who said anything about boyfriends not me I didn't say anything about boyfriends. Clint, Nick, Nick, Clint,' she finished, waving between the two of them.

Nick reached through the portal. ‘It's an honour to meet you, Clint. I'm a big fan.'

Clint blinked, but shook the hand Nick offered. ‘Really? Usually people say that to Tony and Steve. And Nat, of course, if they know she exists.'

‘There aren't that many people out there using bows to fight crime. I use one myself sometimes. Crossbow. I'm not nearly as good as you are, though.'

‘Crossbow. Cool. Very Etienne Navarre. But listen—' he used their joined hands to pull Nick closer. ‘You hurt Darcy and I'll give you a personal demonstration of what I can do with a bow and arrow. And that's nothing compared to what Nat will do to you.'

Nick nodded, his face serious. ‘Understood.’

‘Great!' Clint released Nick's hand and patted him on the arm. ‘Nice to meet you, Nick. Don't stay up too late, kids. And don't forget to turn off the portal when you send Balrog back through. Love you, Darcy! See you when you get back to New York!' Clint saluted them with the coffeepot and moved off down the hall.

Darcy came up next to Nick and leaned on his shoulder. ‘I'm not sure if that was really sweet or really annoying.'

He huffed a laugh. ‘Never in my life did I imagine I would have my life threatened by an Avenger. And I've seen some crazy things in my life. Even before becoming a Grimm,' he added, his voice thoughtful.

Darcy nodded gravely. ‘Life do be weird like that.' Sensing Nick's eyes on her, she pulled her attention away from her contemplation of Clint's living room to find him grinning dopily at her. ‘What?'

‘Soooo… Boyfriend, huh?'

She thought about making a flippant remark, but why should she? She liked him, and if the last couple of weeks were anything to go by, he liked her too. Now that there weren't any more secrets between them, she saw no reason not to go after what she wanted.

And right now, what she wanted was Nick.

‘Sure, if you want to be.' She held up a finger. ‘But you should know, I'm only dating you because if I turned you down Trubel would probably ban me from the shop.’ Okay, maybe she could have a little flippancy. As a treat.

‘So that's it, huh? You're only dating me for access to coffee?' He didn't look terribly heartbroken at the idea. If anything, his grin had gotten wider.

‘Well, that, and you make a pretty good alfredo sauce. And I suppose you're kinda cute.'

‘You think so?' he asked, his cheeks dusted with pink.

Was he _blushing_ because she called him cute? She took it back, the man wasn't cute, he was _adorable._

‘Absolutely.' His face clouded, and she cocked her head. ‘What's wrong?'

‘It's just… All of this,' he waved between them, ‘it doesn't really change anything. You're still going back to New York, and I live in Portland. It's about as long-distance as you can get.'

She exchanged raised eyebrows with Balrog, before looking pointedly at the portal and back to Nick. ‘My dude, I think I've demonstrated how very much not an issue that is for us.'

He blinked. ‘Huh. Good point. That's lucky, I'd hate to get the shovel talk from Hawkeye for nothing.'

Balrog snorted and got to his feet, sending an impression of getting back through before the portal collapsed and how much of a miracle it was that it hadn't happened already.

Darcy stuck her tongue out at him. _Everybody's a critic._ ‘Night Balrog,' she added aloud. ‘I'll call you in the morning.

‘He's probably got the right idea,' she told Nick as she let the portal collapse (and okay, yes, Balrog was right, it _was_ amazing that it hadn't collapsed on its own). ‘It's late, even on Portland time, and we've got a lot to think about after tonight. And anyway, I gotta be up early, I'm meeting a guy for coffee in the morning.'

Nick laughed. ‘That's how it is?'

She winked. ‘You betcha.'

As she was calling an Uber, he slapped his forehead. ‘I almost forgot—Monroe and Rosalee asked me to invite you to dinner.'

‘Really? That's so sweet of them.' She frowned. ‘Wait, is it so they can threaten to kill me if I hurt you?'

‘I don't think—'

‘I mean, I guess that would be fair, since _my_ friend just threatened you. And I've never been given a shovel talk, so it would be a new experience for me. Though I gotta warn you, being threatened makes me snarky—well, snarkier than usual—and I might threaten to taze them, just on instinct, I would never _actually_ taze your friends unless they were activity attacking me and I can't see why they _would_ since I have no intention of hurting you, so—'

‘Darcy!' Nick laughed, putting his hands on her shoulders and cutting her off. ‘They just want to meet you. I've been talking about you a lot these last couple of weeks,' he added sheepishly.

‘Oh.' She bit her lip, smiling. ‘Really?'

‘Yeah. They knew I liked you before I did.'

‘Wow, I thought you were supposed to be good at your day job.'

‘Well, I was a little distracted by this pretty, snarky girl I kept running into at the coffeeshop.'

Now it was her turn to blush. ‘Oh, nice save, detective.'

‘Thank you. Now tell me, Miss Lewis, are you the kind of girl to kiss on a first date?'

She snorted. ‘Uh, Nick, did you forget the part where we've been meeting for coffee every day for nearly two weeks? This isn't our first date, it's more like our tenth. Eleventh, if you count this morning.' She slid her arms around his neck. ‘And I am _definitely_ the kind of girl that kisses on the eleventh date.'

‘I'm glad,' he breathed, threading a hand through her hair and bending down to meet her halfway. ‘I don't think I could have waited until our twelfth date.'

**Author's Note:**

> Darcy was so busy making out with Nick that she missed the notification that her Uber had arrived. It wasn't until she started honking that they finally came up for air. They both wake up to lots and Lots of messages on their phones the next morning, not to mention smirks from Trubel when they meet for coffee (and, weirdly, Darcy caught Kelly grinning at her when she left the B&B. What's up with that?)  
> Apparently Tony won the Avengers Pool of When Will They Finally Admit They Like Each Other (Sean won the Grimm Pool, and is Insufferably Smug)
> 
> You may have notice that I've added another series to this. That's because this universe is going to bigger than I originally thought, and it's going to feature several other ships (mostly on the Grimm side). The Grimm and the (Science!)Gremlin will be the Darcy/Nick series, and everything's going to be within the Weird Things universe. Each ship will have its own series, so if you only came for the Darcy, this will hopefully keep you from getting spammed with non-Darcy content. Clear as mud? Good.
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr!](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/)  
> Namarie, my little bilgesnipes!


End file.
